My essay? help and fix it :]?

You have A LOT to improve. Some of the grammer and conventions need work, but you can figure those out for yourself. I don't know exactly what the requirements are, but in general you shouldn't use "I" or "We" (personal pronouns) in essays. It does help to make a point, though. In introductions, you aren't generally suppose to cite any sources because there aren't really suppose to be any facts in the intro, just background information. If you DO choose to cite that source, you need to specify which encyclopedia. If you are using MLA format, go to www.mla.org if you aren't sure about some of the formating/citing, etc. The last sentence in your conclusion also needs some work to fix the flow; the last sentence is really important as it leaves the reader with an impression; good or bad, it is up to you.